just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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