Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
