I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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