I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
