You're completely useless in the revolution.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Watching her eat just hurts me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
