duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
