I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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