before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
