He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
