I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
