Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
