my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
