Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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