i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
