do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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