dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
