just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
