I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
