By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
