I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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