there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
