It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
