is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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