This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
