you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
