If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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