Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
