I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
