Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
