We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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