I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
