As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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