dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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