I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
