Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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