Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
