Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
BRING THE BAGELS
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
