:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
