i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
