1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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