my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
