It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
