Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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