i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
