If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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