Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
