I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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