is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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