If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
