I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
