are you so shy because you have an std?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So here I am, sexting at work.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
