'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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