We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
