I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
