we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
God, I missed his penis.
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