The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Don't make out with my wife yet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
