I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
