I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I party with great urgency now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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