Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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