It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
