I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
