The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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