I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
