How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
