Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
