is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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