This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
