I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
